[John]

I’ve heard my latest album is rather good!

[Mark]

The album is not out yet so how have you even heard it John? If that is your real name…

[Wayne Kerr]

How pretentious! Why can’t he just make the music I want to hear?

[Sting Stan]

John Mitchell wants to be Sting but doesn’t have his looks nor talent

[Richard Knapper]

John, you will never get far with such a dull name. Sting is a cool name. Look at my name. My parents were cockney’s with a sense of humour.
With a surname of Knapper (slang for head), of course they are going to all their son Richard (or Dick for short). Everyone calls me dickhead now and I love it.
So John, if you want success, get a decent name!